Friendships, much like life itself, evolve through distinct phases, each shaping our journey in unique ways. As we move through these life stages, friendships come and go, but the ones that endure are more than just companionship—they’re built on deeper connections, shared values, and meaningful experiences.

Early Childhood: A World Centered Around Family

As a child, my mother was my first companion, guide, and friend. She nursed me, cared for me, and was my entire world. My father, being in the army, was posted in various locations, which meant I didn’t spend as much time with him during my early years. I don’t remember many interactions with him from that time.

When my sister was born, the dynamics of my childhood shifted dramatically. She quickly became the focal point of my parents’ attention, and I found it difficult to connect with her. Her personality was so different from mine, and despite our closeness in age, I couldn’t find a friend in her. As my parents became more focused on managing her needs, I was left to navigate things on my own, which led me to cultivate a strong sense of independence and self-reliance from an early age.

School Days: Exploring Friendships and Individual Bonds

As I entered school, I began making friends, both in my neighborhood and within the school itself. Although I had many casual friendships, I distinctly remember having a few deep and meaningful friendships with boys during that period. In 4th grade, I recall one of my friends pointing out that I had a temper—a moment of reflection that stuck with me even though those friendships eventually faded as I moved on to new chapters in life.

Middle School: Deeper Bonds and Group Influences

It wasn’t until my family settled in Bangalore, around 6th grade, that I began to experience friendships with a deeper sense of connection. By 8th grade, I had moved from forming individual bonds to becoming part of a close-knit group of four friends. Our group had its own unique dynamics, shaping our behavior and decisions in ways that felt significant at the time. I vividly remember two of my friends were strictly forbidden by their families from using profanity, and as a result, our group collectively enforced that rule. We self-regulated, with anyone caught using bad language facing playful “punishments” from the rest of us, creating a sense of accountability and camaraderie.

These formative years were significant, marking the first time I experienced the powerful influence of peers and the conflicting emotions that can come with it. I became aware of how friendships could shape values and behavior in ways both positive and negative.

High School: Group Dynamics and Social Status

High school brought about a shift in friendship dynamics, especially around relationships with the opposite sex. As my guy friends began having girlfriends, new elements were introduced—secrecy, jealousy, and favoritism. Even as teenagers, status within our friend groups became tied to whether someone had a girlfriend. Hangouts were no longer just about spending time together; they were designed around the presence of girls, or often, hiding from them. At that point, I didn’t have any close female friends—just interactions, which shaped a different side of my social life.

College: Evolving Social Circles and Romance

By the time I entered engineering college, the dynamics had largely stayed the same. Friendships revolved around forming groups with male friends, and soon enough, girls would enter the mix. I was fortunate to develop meaningful friendships with a couple of female friends. As I transitioned from adolescence into young adulthood, these friendships became more influential than my family, marking a natural shift in the importance of peer connections.

During this phase, romantic relationships also began to play a prominent role. Breakups and long-term relationships started to shape much of my experience. I had a five-year relationship that began in college, and though it eventually ended, it left a lasting impact on how I viewed and navigated both friendships and romantic relationships in the years that followed.

Adulthood: Work, Marriage, and New Friendships

As I transitioned into my professional life, many of my friendships from college and school stayed with me, though they evolved. My college friends moved into my professional sphere, while my school friends became a part of my personal life. Over the years, some of these friendships have faded, while others have deepened, built on shared values and mutual respect.

Entering my 30s, my friendships now fall into five distinct categories:

1. My Partner (Wife): The person I share my daily life with, my closest companion, and my primary source of support.
2. Our Family: Parents and siblings, who take up a large portion of my mindshare and remain an essential part of my life.
3. Old Friends: School, college, and work friends who have been consistent over the years. These are the friends who have seen me grow and change, and yet, we’ve maintained our bond.
4. New Friends: The friends I’ve made in California, with whom I enjoy shared activities like travel, hangouts, and hobbies. These friendships bring new energy and perspectives into my life.
5. Fading Friends: People I once felt close to but who no longer share the same values, interests, or meaning. These friendships have drifted, but they still represent an important part of my past.

This raises an important question: which friendships truly last, especially those that become our primary support systems, versus those that inevitably fade? In the context of a life partner, sharing core values is crucial. For me, being independent, growth-oriented, and principled meant that I needed someone who not only mirrored those qualities but could grow alongside me. I feel incredibly fortunate to have found a partner who embodies these traits and is dedicated to evolving both individually and together as we build a family. In contrast, friendships that have faded often revealed, over time, a lack of shared values, principles, or trust, which ultimately led to their natural drift apart.

In the end, it’s the alignment of values, shared meaning, and the willingness to grow together that forms the true foundation of lasting relationships. These elements create the bedrock upon which strong, enduring connections are built, whether in friendships or with a life partner.